Pregnancy

As I near the end of my pregnancy, I feel the need to somewhat document a few random thoughts on this crazy escapade that is coming to a close. It honestly feels very bittersweet to know that within the next week or so, I will not be pregnant anymore.

The absolute miracle of me even getting pregnant is something that I am astounded with on a daily basis, because it is a constant reminder to me of God’s love and faithfulness. I had mentally gotten to a point where I had accepted the fact that I would never be pregnant. Even though Oscar had a vasectomy reversal in April of 2012, the probability of the reversal being successful was small. I suppose you could say that I had mentally gotten to a point where I was happy with that fact that I would always be able to say “Well, I tried everything that I could do to be a mother – I guess it just wasn’t meant for me” and I would somehow be ok with that. I could just focus on my career, plus I already had Daniel (my step-son) in my life. So I wasn’t really missing out on anything, right? It was in God’s hands, and if it was his will that I was supposed to have my own child one day, it would happen.

 
This is Oscar right before he went in for his vasectomy reversal surgery 4/19/12.

 

Side Note: Oscar definitely had no lack of faith the entire time – he says he knew it would happen. His faithfulness and ability to always trust in God is so amazing to me. I feel so blessed to be married to such an amazing man.

I am 100% in tune with my body, and my cycle each month is like clockwork, so I knew almost immediately that something wasn’t normal. I remember that September evening so vividly – we were already in our pajamas getting ready for bed, and I knew that if I didn’t take a pregnancy test that night, I’d never be able to sleep. So we drove to Walgreens, bought the test, and came home. A faint second line? No – it has to be a mistake. I planned to go back to Walgreens the next morning to buy a second test. Plus – was there even a second line? Maybe I’m crazy and secretly wanted the second line to be there so it’s all in my head..?

Oddly enough, the next day I had a scheduled second interview at my now current job (UCF) for the Human Resources Benefits Manager position. After my interview that morning, I called my doctor’s office and scheduled an appointment to have the “official” pregnancy test completed later that afternoon. I then stopped by Walgreens and got two more pregnancy tests (I know, I’m crazy). I even got the test that says “Pregnant” or “Not Pregnant”. I figured that you couldn’t get any clearer than that! I nervously took the tests as soon as I got home. PREGNANT. And later that day at my doctor’s office, the “official” test confirmed the same thing. I was pregnant. Holy crap.

I didn’t want to start a new job being pregnant. I thought that was absolutely ridiculous. So, the same afternoon that I found out I was pregnant, I emailed the Associate Director at UCF (with whom I had interviewed with earlier that morning) and explained the situation to him. I respectfully withdrew my interest from the position, he responded that he completely understood, and that was that. He ended up emailing me a few days later explaining UCF’s parental leave program, indicating they were still very interested in me – so much in fact, that they would include the maternity leave in my offer letter. That along with the fact that this new position was more money, closer to home, had significantly better benefits/retirement along with a multitude of other reasons made it a very clear decision to strangely enough accept a new job offer less than two months into my pregnancy.

AND – the craziness begins!

Contrary to my mother telling me my entire life that I would have “horrible morning sickness just like her”, I never once got morning sickness. There were a few times that I felt nauseous, but that was it. I am so thankful for that. Morning sickness itself is a very uncomfortable thing – but if I would have had morning sickness in my first few months at a new job, I don’t think I would have been able to handle it very well. God is so good!

Side note: What’s very unusual to me is that the only two times that I actually vomited was in my second trimester – both times after eating fast food breakfast. I will spare the details, but both times were on the way to work in my car driving down the road. The second time I wasn’t so lucky to have enough time to pull over before everything went down. Ew!

Everyone was 100% sure it was a girl. Even strangers who would see me in public would tell me it was a girl. Note: This is when I started to realize how eager other people (including strangers) were to offer opinions, give advice and blurt out the most inappropriate statements.

However, contrary to what everyone thought, the ultrasound at 19 weeks confirmed that it was a BOY. I was genuinely happy that it was a boy – my little man! Of course, Oscar and Daniel were both elated because they both wanted a boy. After we found out the gender, the fun stuff started – we started to decorate the nursery and buy little boy clothes. So much fun!

For me, everything was relatively smooth sailing for the first 6-7 months. Around 7 months, things started to get uncomfortable. Now at 39 weeks, I don’t think that a minute goes by that I’m not uncomfortable. Sleeping comfortably through the night is a thing of the past, I have heartburn/indigestion every minute of every day, I get so short of breath that I can’t even carry on a conversation, and my hands/feet are so swollen that I feel like an oompa-loompa. It really is true what people say – the last month of pregnancy seems to drag on forever.

So now we are down to the last few weeks. The nursery is finished, the little baby clothes are washed, the car seat is installed, everything is put together and my bag is packed and ready to be scooped up on the way to the hospital. Now we wait – which is honestly very intense for me.

I do not think that I will necessarily miss being pregnant, but I will miss feeling him kick and move around in my belly. It sounds so cliche, but that is definitely my favorite part about pregnancy. It's such an amazing feeling and I feel that I have built such an incredible bond with him even before he has entered the world. Sometimes I go in his nursery, sit in the glider, and talk to him/pray for him. It's such a special moment for me and helps to alleviate the anticipation of waiting for him to come.

I’ve had a flood of emotions that I didn’t know existed until now. Am I going to be a good mother? What will labor be like? What will he look like? Will I ever be able to create a routine to juggle having a baby and my other responsibilities? How will I possibly be able to handle the guilt of leaving him with someone else when I go back to work? I know that these emotions are very normal, and it has helped to read articles/blogs online and talk to many of my friends who are already moms.

All that I know is that it will all be worth it. I haven’t even met him yet, and I know that I would do it a million more times to have him in the end. I cannot wait to see him, to hold him, to look in his eyes and know that I would die for him in an instant. I can't wait to see little parts of myself and my husband mixed together in this perfect little human that we have created.

I can't wait to begin this journey of motherhood.